


Firewhisky Fun

by Warped_Alignment



Series: Requested Fanfics [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Best Friends, Farting, Fun, Gen, Hilarity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29532423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warped_Alignment/pseuds/Warped_Alignment
Summary: Parvati and Lavender are concerned for their favourite teacher after the courtyard scene. Firewhisky causes some adverse side effects. Hilarity ensues
Relationships: Lavender Brown & Parvati Patil & Sybill Trelawney
Series: Requested Fanfics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203311
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Firewhisky Fun

Watching your favourite teacher being berated to the point of tears is not fun, to say the least. Especially when the oversized pink toad of a woman shouting at her claims to have the power to rid said favourite teacher of her job, and the only real home she'd ever had.

If McGonagall hadn't arrived in time, Parvati was seriously considering punching Umbridge. 

She wasn't even sure if anyone'd punish her for it, since Umbridge certainly deserved it. 

Luckily, the decision was made for her by Dumbledore and McGonagall, sweeping in just as she made her way through the crowds. They comforted Professor Trelawney, and McGonagall took her back to the chambers. The balance of the universe returned, Umbridge was fuming, and Parvati didn't have to punch anyone. 

The crowd started to disperse, and Parvati decided she'd better look for her friend. She found Lavender in the corner of the courtyard, looking close to tears herself, biting her lips so hard they'd started to bleed. 

"Hey. You ok?" she asked softly, concern filling her face as she saw her friend. 

"Yeah," she breathed, "I just, she didn't deserve that."

Parvati shook her head, "No-one does."

"I wish we could do something about it." Lavender told her, and Parvati nodded, before getting an idea,

"How about we go and check on Trelawney, make sure she's ok?" she asked, and her friend nodded energetically.

"I know! I've got some biscuits mum sent me, we should take them to her! We'll have a little picnic!" Parvati giggled, and the two of them raced to the dorm room together. 

They collected a small tin of prettily decorated buscuits, and hurried along the hallways to the divination room. They climbed through the trapdoor, and approached the room she had next to the tiny supply cupboard. They knocked a few times before she answered, calling for them to come in. 

"Hi professor," Parvati started

"I brought buscuits!" Lavender blurted out, giggling nervously. Parvati sighed a little, smiling back at her friend,

"We came to see if you were ok." she explained. The two of them made their way through the door, seeing Trelawney, eyes red rimmed and puffy from crying, her second or third glass of firewhiskey in her hands, judging by the amount left in the bottle, and leaning towards the fire as she smiled sweetly at the girls, 

"I'll be ok. Thank you for your concern." she said. Lavender placed the buscuits on the table the firewhiskey sat on, and made a move to leave, but Parvati grabbed her arm, directing her over to the sofa along from the armchair Trelawney sat in. 

"I was glad Dumbledore came to help you." Lavender said, and Trelawney nodded, taking another sip out of her glass, 

"He's a good man." she spoke quietly, but the fire wasn't loud, so the words were easy to make out. 

"He is. I hope he stays here." Lavender replied. Parvati doubted he'd be able to, considering the warpath the pink menace was on today. She knew she needed to have faith in him, but the truth was, everyone doubted whether he'd be here for much longer. Things were dire, and action needed to be taken.

But no-one was taking it. 

"I hope he does too." she said, knowing she didn't really need to but feeling like she should put it out there anyway. 

The three of them sat in silence for a moment, 

"She really does look like a toad, doesn't she?" Parvati said, before she could think of what she was saying. Lavender giggled at the informal outburst, pausing for a moment to think before nodding heavily, 

"my goodness, yes she does! She looks just like one!" she exclaimed, as if it was a revelation.

"Maybe it's just because she's hopping mad," Parvati responded, and all three of them laughed.

"She is if she wants to get rid of someone like you professor," Lavender said, and the laughter stopped, Trelawney's eyes filling with tears, 

"Thank you, my dear," She said, looking at both of them. They nodded. 

"I'm really glad you're staying, Professor," Parvati added, and she smiled tearily at the two of them, "You taught us some really interesting stuff, no matter what she says about it."

"Yeah!" Lavender agreed, "I can recognise so many different things in tea leaves now, and I've almost mastered the crystal ball. I love it all, because you can interpret it so many different ways, there really are no wrong answers."

"You are wrong, my dear," she said, "There are wrong answers, and there are right answers, but if you focus hard enough, you can find an answer which is both and neither." The answer was slightly cryptic, but she smiled at Lavender when saying it, so she took it as an affirmation of her statement.

"Yeah, I think I'm getting better at it." she said. This time, there was no room for error. Everyone knew Divination was Lavender's best subject, and how hard she worked. There was no contest in the classes, in fact, if anyone was aiming for anything in Divination, it would be the second spot. It was an unspoken rule, but it was the way it was, and Parvati often got jealous of the fact, although she couldn't think of a better person to take the top spot. 

"No thanks to Umbridge." Parvati replied. Trelawney took another sip of her whiskey,

"Indeed. She doesn't approve of many fun things."

"She's like a dementor!" Lavender blurted out, going red when the other two looked at her. Parvati gave her a reassuring nod, 

"Yeah, she sucks the fun out of things. Her lessons are terrible." 

"And they aren't useful!"

"Yeah.Everyone knows there's a war coming up, if they don't they're kidding themselves. The news is all over the place, people are terrified, it's awful. And she's not doing anything to stop it, to help it, or anything. She's sitting there, in denial, in love with the minister, and making the whole castle evil. She's a cruel, awful person, and I hate her." Sadness swept over her as she thought of how much she hated her and how helpless she felt, how she couldn't do anything, and how bad things were. Tears pricked her eyes, and Lavender rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Thanks. Sorry, it's just so unfair." she said, and thought over the incident, mulling over her actions. Lavender took this as an oppurtunity to fill, and started excitably chattering about the upcoming practical divination test. 

_I should have hit her._

"You know, I think I should have punched her." Parvati said quite suddenly, and Lavender gasped, partly at the interruption, partly at the insinuation. 

"Wherever did you get an idea like that?" she asked, shock profound in her voice. Parvati grinned, 

"When she was shouting in Trelawney's face. I wanted to punch her square in the face. I reckon I could've, too. I'm quite good. I used to wrestle Padma all the time, so I bet if I got a good shot, I could." 

Lavender shook her head in shock and Trelawney was hiding a smile. The three of them sat there for a moment, before Lavender thought of something, 

"Why didn't you?" she asked. 

There was silence for a full ten seconds before the two of them burst into laughter, tears streaming down their cheeks as their chests heaved at the exertion. They laughed for a while, regaining themselves for moments before looking at Lavender's angry face and falling into laughter again. Once they had regained control, Lavender was grumbling about it 'not being that funny'

"I didn't do it because I thought I might get in trouble, at first." she replied honestly. 

"I don't think that would have been an issue, my dear." Trelawney answered. Parvati nodded, 

"I know. I thought about that then, and how people would react."

"They'd coronate you." Lavender said with a chuckle, 

"The Weasley twins'd worship me." she said, and they all laughed, 

"Yeah, everyone would respect you." Lavender replied thoughtfully

"I'd like it." she said quietly, "And I was all ready to do it, too, when McGonagall turned up, and then Dumbledore, and I thought I'd have to fight them to get to her."

Everyone laughed at the thought of Parvati fighting Dumbledore, 

"Do you reckon I could take him?" she asked, and Lavender wheezed with laughter. 

A loud, wet sound slipped out of the corner Trelawney was sat in, and she went tomato red as she realised, "Sorry. It's the whiskey." she responded.

Lavender couldn't stop herself from giggling, "I thought it was just because Parvati couldn't take him!" 

"I could! I just didn't want to break him!" Another fart was released as Trelawney laughed with them.

"Break Dumbledore? You couldn't even hurt his beard!"

"I could too! I could take his whole beard off, if I wanted to!" 

The idea of a bald Dumbledore was enough to send all three of them off the edge, causing hysterical laughter to come from all of them, with the addition of Trelawney's farts, which only increased as she laughed, which made her laugh harder. Lavender fell off her seat at one point, and Parvati could only wonder what someone walking by heard. 

The biscuits were forgotten, but that night would never be. It was a dark moment, but surrounded by laughter and serenaded by farts, Parvati and Lavender had fun for the first time in a long time. The war was still heating up, but it was forgotten for one night. 

For just a moment, they were kids who laughed at stupid things and made fun of whoever they wanted. For now, they didn't have to be brave.

After all, who couldn't laugh at the idea of Parvati punching Umbridge, ridding Dumbledore of his hair, and being worshipped by the Weasleys? 

It was a strange night, to say the least. 


End file.
